Since my head was split open by a bottle of Tabasco breaking a bowl and a bowl shard entering my face near my eye and Jeff didn’t feel like getting to Water Polo on the other side of the island, we stayed in and I introduced him to yoga. Remember the first time you did yoga? So life changing and refreshed. Well afterwards he was awash in yoga zenness.

I felt great but my mind was still distracted. As always, it’s a hard beast to shut off. I wanted to order FreshDirect but I realized very quickly… I was harshing his zen.

I left him alone and did the dishes. Please note that I never do the dishes. I hate pruney fingers (it’s a legitimate issue). And I started to think about how many things I allow to harsh my zen, distract me, tire me, disease me. I didn’t answer that e-mail, is that my phone, I should pay rent, when will we get a dog? That’s about 4 out of one billion things bothering me right now. Small things from: did I turn off my straightener? To bigger: where will I be in 5 years? 10?

I’ve always been high-strung (Why did I lie to mom? When will I get my first kiss? Do I really like my boyfriend?) but it has gotten out of control since graduating college. In this game of dodgeball there are too many balls being thrown at my face. (Okay, so maybe I wanted to say balls in a post.) So many balls and I simply cannot catch them all and I am becoming as welted as I was in PE 9 years ago.

I honestly want to believe there is a single key to my happiness and I am missing it. That somehow everything will fall into place and I will be living my dream life. I just have to find that key. Maybe that kid from Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close has it.

What I really need to do is be like Jeff and catch my zen, ride my zen, and just relax every once in awhile. To do this I must shut out the outside noise, the other people telling me I should be stressed and just deal with what is inside me. If that woman wants to beat me onto the subway… fine. If I forgot that e-mail, so be it.

I am only human. I know this, I broke my face last night in a beyond freak accident, but still I cannot seem to grasp this one simple fact. I am a human. If I can cut slack for the rest of the world, why can’t I for myself?

And already you can see it. My paranoia. My disease. I stress myself out because I don’t think I am relaxed enough. I’m not enjoying life enough. Yes, if you lived your life this way you would be suffering heart palpitations and heart burn.

The time has come for one of two things to happen because shortly I am going to lose my mind.

Pick my battles and finally realize I am not always on a schedule. Take a breath. Take a nap. Enjoy 5 minutes every once in awhile.

Find that fucking kid with the key to my life.

(Source: amandakusek.com)

(Source: uppereastside)

(via tombrady3)